Seriously, why now???

why do i still have "dokidoki" feelings when i meet u after so long....2yrs bah...
i know i will still pass by his fb cus we are frens on fb... but still y?

for past 2 yrs, when i talk to my close fren abt my past crushes.
i wont event go red when i bring him into the topic.
i will jus feel "he's the cutest guy i've met so far" like seriously.

after seeing him again. is like "wow, how long i nvr feel like this"
even previously i bumped into sihao, i dun feel anything much more for him.
but he...errr...
i dun know wad to say here, should put as type here.
i couldnt sleep now.
should i say thanks to him?
i know i shouldnt harbour anymore strong feeling other than friendship feelings for him but it will go away... soon i guess...

truthfully,
thinking of  him reminds me the trip,
patting on his head [once only]
the night when he and others kachiao me and my clique.
when he and captain wanna scare us but i gotcha them back.
the room card snatching scenario. the first tym i got to hug a guy i really like that tym.
bloggie, i know i dun lie much but when his gf tagged along with the crew, i was indeed jealous, i was acting the same back in HK trip.but i tried control "alot". i guess im a worse virgo with a damn ego.
all this are coming back at this tym 4.43AM!! WTH...

i feel like crying but i shall force myself not to cry cus i swear i wont cry for a guy unless he is worth for me to cry for.

my friend ask me whether he has a gf, i dun even know, i dun wanna know...
for now im happy that he is doing well.
but now it makes me wonder that did he change his number or not when my fren brought up that topic.
my fren ask me to ask him. sadly, he dun really reply me. so wait for his mood bah.
but i dun wanna give wrong messages anymore.
i dun wanna hav anymore awkwardness with him.

for my own personality, i know i cant control my reaction towards r/s cus im like a open book to it.
i dun really know when will it be seal up but i will seal it up again...

cus even though i like him, im not worth for him.
when feelings are not up to par, one should not chase it cus this is not drama/anime world which surprise exist, this is reality world...

i should end this post. cus its getting longer and longer.
if i can or nt...
i will not let him know. cannot let him know.
cus he is my friend, my cutest crush ever.
suki yo, wa ga tomo yo T_T T_T T_T

frm now on, bloggie will be named as "shino"
jyaa, oyaasumi shino...