ii though i'll be updating happier things like my figurines or cosplay or the fun i had with my "friends" recently....
Instead, 

This tym i'm sure is disappointed.
not me to u guys, but u all to me instead.

human's heart sure change as fast as flipping a page with words to a blank page.
all my dreams and desire which i've pour out has gone down to drain.

at first i thought i had clear myself up that i wanna study psychology to make my dreams with the stars come true.
when i come thinking of the job when i get the degree in near future. wad i wanna do?
I want to help the kids who are worse than me, not saying their disabilities, but the orphans who dun have a whole family at all.
I feel that even though i have my family but it isn't a whole from the beginning when i was born...
when my brain starts to develop properly, i knew that mum&dad were not tgt anymore, big bro is not with always with us, 2nd bro and i are not close. it is a whole mirror with multiple cracks.

no matter how we tried to glue them tgt...
cracks are always cracks, will not be mend up forever and ever.

i know everyone on earth have a huge book on their hand which no one can finish it.
the one on my hand is also very thick though. who can read finish it. no one can, only myself know wad i wan to do, wad i wan to be...

your options for me is ur desire to me, not wad i want.
i dun wan to be in a cubic cube which is bounded and can be manipulate by ppl.
i want to be in my own way of  life.

im a good person by heart, but i have my darkest desire for my life.
I wanted to rebel to the core, which i had done in 2008-09.
but that's not enough for my life chapter.

i want to start a new chapter,  whether isit love or career.
i wan it my way. i dun want to be manipulated by anyone.
comments opinions i can listen but sorry, these will be my 2nd least concern.

I know my family concern of the path of my career going.
i want to work with ppl, orphans...needies.
i want to study psychology to help them improve their mind which will not be polluted but the darkness of hate to adults who abandon them...

i feel that im sasuke...a loner but not a avenger... i dun someone to kill... or mayb i have.... myself????
i wanna kill myself to become stronger, not continue being a crybaby *(crying while writing this, pathetic am I?)...
i wanna be more natural infront of my friends... not  robot which just which just saying uh-huh, no, dunno. ok, anything....pathetic , very pathetic.

i've used my hobbies to affect myself (be it narusasu doujinshis, shoujo/shounen/eechi/ manga, anime, sports,etc.)...when i think about this... all back to one spot.

I wish i have stronge eyes like sasuke to see ppl, prevent me from crying, keep making me smiles.
i wish i have the brain of detective conan so i can be more smarter to think & do.
i wish i had someone who i can lean on whenever im down...whether it be emotions, stress or my desire..

i may use harsh words but these are deep down in my heart core...
 i wont repeat wad i've say & i wont change wad i wanted....